If I Knew Then What I Know Now

I'm actually a damn good researcher. Plus, I'm a teacher. So when we realized the pandemic would lead to kindergarten via Zoom, I felt ready to try homeschooling. I found the secular homeschool facebook groups and researched secular homeschool curriculum, and I found my way pretty easily. Still, there are a few things that would have made it easier, things I would have told myself if I could go back in time. I knew the obvious: it wouldn’t always match my vision, it was going to be messy, and we could change course as needed throughout the year. The things I was missing (and you might be, too) go a little deeper than that.

If you’re a punk rocker, don’t choose the Prairie Home Companion curriculum.

IYKYK.

There are tons of homeschool blogs out there that sell you a lifestyle: morning baskets, living books, poetry teatime.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but a lot of these “lifestyle choices” have their roots in the Christian homeschooling movement. One of the biggest differences between Christian and secular homeschoolers (aside from the importance placed on faith in education)? Christian homeschoolers are more likely to come to it as a lifestyle choice. In the secular homeschool world, you’ll find many more families who started homeschooling out of necessity: pandemic homeschoolers, families who’ve struggled with school refusal and anxiety, families raising gifted and twice exceptional (2E learners). We’re a diverse bunch with a bunch of different needs! It’s important that you make decisions based on your family’s needs, not what the dusty rose homeschooler influencers decided was important.

Looking at my family specifically, I would have steered us away from all things Charlotte Mason and copywork. As a new homeschooler, I loved the idea of a literature based curriculum. I’m an English major, after all. When you start looking, you will very quickly encounter Charlotte Mason. You’ll find Brave Writer. The lifestyle homeschoolers LOVE this stuff. I thought Charlotte Mason sounded lovely. I followed the Charlotte Mason breadcrumbs to Bravewriter. But here's the thing: my kid HATES copywork, and I’m not homemaker enough for consistent poetry teatimes. And does this really make sense when you’re homeschooling an only child anyway? It wasn’t until I found Torchlight that I felt I’d really found our path forward. It was progressive, it was inclusive, it was built on the Socratic Method. My English major heart was happy, and my child was happy to listen to story after story and start learning more about the world. So, take your time, look around, ask questions. Find people you actually relate to and ask them what they are doing, or if they have any ideas that might fit your particular lifestyle, values, and constraints.

Be prepared for a volley before you get settled.

Okay, so let’s say you’re a planner. You do the research, you make a decision, you go all in and buy all the books.

Hold on.

If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself to rein in those tendencies and quick. The truth is, you will bounce around. You might feel like you need to know what you’re doing, but sometimes waiting can help you find your stride better than research and planning can.

When we started, I tried All About Reading for our kindergarten year. It came highly recommended and was based on the science of reading, but I realized quickly that my daughter caught on quickly. She didn’t enjoy the games or the repetition, and she didn’t like reading out loud to me (she didn’t want to make any mistakes!). We switched to Logic of English for first grade, and it was still too much repetition for her.

What did work, though, was identifying the rules and teaching them to her. I could have done this with the Logic of English book instead of the full curriculum. If I could go back, I’d buy that book and read it, make up some games that would fit her personality, and figure out if that was enough. If not, I’d go on with the curriculum purchase, but only then. And I’d see if I could find it used. 

It's okay to wait to buy a curriculum. It gives you time to get to know what your child actually needs.

Understand what the standards are.

Okay, hear me out on this one. I’m not big on following standards for standards’ sake. I have, however, found a lot of value in knowing what the standards for particular grades are. This has helped me so much when my daughter was resisting doing math that was repetitive, or if we weren’t checking all the boxes of our science or reading curriculum. Instead of pushing her to do the curriculum because that’s what she’s supposed to do (AKA recreating school at home), I would push myself to look at the standards and analyze what she had mastered and what we still needed to cover. In our case, this often led me to realize that she’d already mastered more than I had realized, and there was no reason to push through chapters of content she had already mastered. Seeing what was a written expectation for kids her age helped me see when it was time for me to compact the curriculum. Sometimes we skipped units completely (Wild Math), and sometimes I pulled out the most essential bits and made sure she understood them before moving on (Logic of English).

You might have a different experience than us. You might look at the standards and feel like your child is behind. Nothing has gone wrong. There is no timeline on this, really. Standards are actually kind of arbitrary and aimed at middle of the road kids. As a homeschooler, they are useful for the information they give you. Seeing them in writing can help you identify things you’d like to cover that you might have overlooked, or even give you a starting point if you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s a much more reliable source of information than your own memory; I mean, how much do you actually remember about kindergarten?

It’s okay to love a curriculum and not do every part of it.

Even when you’ve committed to doing things differently than your local schools, it can be a little tricky when you find a curriculum you really love. You research it. You share it with your child and get their buy in. You purchase it. And then, when you get into a weekly flow, you realize there are pieces that your child fights every time. Books that they completely tune out. Activities that the resist for some reason.

This is not a problem.

It’s actually normal. Most secular curricula offer options that could work for all kinds of learners. It’s a beautiful thing because it means you can use the same curriculum for two very different children and they’ll both get what they need. Don’t be afraid to adapt. To cherry pick. Use what works for you, set aside (or find an alternative for) what doesn’t.

We truly love Torchlight, and yet we've only ever done a few weeks of the writing component for each level. We don't really do the art, the science, or the vocabulary. We don't ignore it completely, but when I recognize that my child is getting these things elsewhere, that's enough. If I'm ever feeling unsure, I just look at the standards and can see that what we're doing day to day exceeds expectations.

Follow their lead.

Do the cooking projects. Write down the stories they tell you. Do your best to make their ideas reality. My daughter got inspired by “The Mitchells Vs the Machines” and made a hamburger marionette out of felt and googly eyes, then directed her first film. She has since become quite adept at editing, loves theater, and I’d be surprised if she didn’t make more movies in the future. Moments like these are what truly sets homeschooling apart. These moments happen when you're paying attention to what makes your child light up and come alive. That is where the most meaningful learning happens. 

You don't have to reinvent the wheel. You don't have to follow any curriculum to the letter either. Keep your eye on your child. They will show you what works and what doesn't. If you trust them, and you trust yourself, you can build the most amazing education for them.